Taming the Chimp – Living our Values, Shaping Society

Prof Steve Peters, renowned psychiatrist, (particularly for his work with Sports teams) has written a brilliant book called ‘The Chimp Paradox’, which I regularly recommend to my patients. It’s well worth the read and full of helpful and practical tools to enable effective mindset and behaviour change. In it, he teaches about the 3 main parts of the brain when it comes to our habitual behaviours – what he calls The Chimp (Limbic System – where we make our immediate responses – based on our feelings and impressions), The Computer (the parietal cortex, which stores our automatic programmes and responses based on our beliefs and experiences) and The Human (the frontal cortex, where we do our thinking and make more conscious choices based on fact, truth and evidence, usually from a place of compassion and empathy). Many times we find ourselves acting in ways which are simply responses of our chimp brain – we’re not being guided by conscious choices or values, or even if we want to, we can’t seem to overcome the strength of our chimp. The problem is that our chimp is 5x faster than our human brain. And if we also have ingrained trauma-based responses to certain situations, when we are triggered (e.g. when we feel scared or lonely or whatever), our chimp gets ready to act, checks its facts with the computer which agrees that this is how it should/would usually respond and a bar of chocolate later……. Same old cycle, same old shame…..

 

 

So how can we change these patterns? Well, we need to feed our computer brain some new messages, so that when the chimp starts acting out and checks in with the computer, the computer no longer agrees with that old way of reacting, puts a pause on the chimp and allows the human brain to kick in with more positive choices. This happens, by consciously renewing your mind by feeding your mind your core truths and values. When you fill your mind with what you know to be true and the values you want to live by, you begin to make different choices. Your computer begins to store new and different information and therefore when your Chimp begins to act out, it will check in with your computer and find that the automatic affirmation of a learned behaviour can begin to change. This has huge implications in how we think about ‘taking responsibility’ and managing our own behavioural choices. I also think it has a wider application to our corporate mindsets and behaviours which cause us to continue acting in certain ways in society (which I will come onto later).

 

So, I have some core truths and core values which my lovely wife has painted on a board in my office. I have them written in my notebook, and (now less then I used to – to begin with it was at least twice a day) I remind myself of them regularly.

 

Here are the Truths that I live by:

1) I am unconditionally loved by the community of God (who unconditionally loves everyone and in whom we live, move and have our being), my wife and a bunch of other people

2) I am seen and accepted for who I am

3) Being a husband and a father are more important than any status I can ever achieve in work

4) It’s OK to make mistakes – in fact, failure is a gift

5) I can’t do everything – limits are important and so are teams!

6) Life is not always easy and happy, in fact it is unfair and really sucks at times – pain is part of the journey

7) People may not always deserve love and may not be easy to love, but you can still choose to love them – even your enemy

8) Forgiveness is a choice and it sets you and the other person free

 

Here are my Values:

Love people unconditionally

Walk with humility and integrity

Listen with kind eyes

Seek first to understand

Encourage and Forgive others and yourself

Act gently

Live generously with extravagant hospitality

Be open, honest and vulnerable

Leak joy

Release healing and hope

Walk in peace

Be faithful

Speak truth with compassion

Embrace pain

 

If you don’t know what is true and you don’t know what your values are, you cannot line up your behaviours to match them. If every time I experience pain, in whatever form that may take, I need to find comfort in a self-destructive behaviour, I have lost sight of my truths that I am unconditionally loved, that life sucks sometimes and have let go of my value to embrace pain. However, if I accept that I mess up sometimes. then I can forgive myself, and get back on track. It doesn’t have to mean a downwards slide. This is how change happens – slowly, but encouragingly as I learn to focus on who I am becoming, rather than believing I will never break out of unhelpful habits.

 

In her brilliant book, ‘The Value of Everything’ in which she talks about an Economics of Hope (how good is that?!), Mariana Mazzucato applies some of this thinking into the realm of how we build a society based on our values. What if we broke out of some of our self-defeating societal norms and built our economy from the best of our compassionate values? I wonder how many of our corporate chimp-computer agreed behaviours might change if we really examined what we value when it comes to the way we build society, through our economics and politics.  So much of the time we are sleep walking with our eyes wide shut to the mindsets we unconsciously imbibe, which shape our corporate behaviours and choices. How often do we examine our core values or the truths that we live by? It takes determined effort to demolish strongholds set up in our minds and replace them with a renewed set of values with which we can build a more loving and kinder world. What would this mean for health inequalities, poverty, and who or what we might choose to prioritise? Without this work, however, we will continue to behave in ways which tolerate huge social injustice and climate destruction. But things do not have to remain as they are. We can change! Hold onto hope! In this apocalyptic moment, in which we are seeing the realities behind the facades more clearly than for many years, it remains time to rest, reflect, reimagine and reset.

 

 

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4 Things to Do If You Are ‘Isolated’ at Home Because of Corona Virus

I’ve been thinking about how people can best use their time, if they are stuck at home during this Corona Virus, Covid-19 Pandemic. Some people will be asked to ‘self-isolate’, along with their household for 14 days because they have symptoms of a high temperature and/or a persistent and troubling cough. Others will be asked to do the same for 12 weeks if they are pregnant, over 70, or usually receive a flu-jab on the NHS (due to having an underlying health condition or on medication that suppresses their immune system). The reason for all of this is to try and suppress the spread of this virus, and maintain health in the wider community until we are sure we have better treatments and a vaccine that we can use across the population. Obviously, if you’re unwell, the first priority is to give your body time to recuperate by taking plenty of fluids (2-3 litres of water per day), eating well, sleeping and letting your immune system do it’s job, whilst you take paracetamol (at the recommended dose) to control your temperature and levels of pain. For many people, however, this time may feel frustrating, because symptoms will be mild or absent and some will be wondering what to do with the time they have been ‘gifted’.

 

There are 4 things, which I believe we can all do during this time, if we find ourselves in the situation of being in isolation, but not actually feeling too unwell.

 

  1. REST
  2. REFLECT
  3. RE-IMAGINE
  4. RESET

 

REST

This is something which we tend to not be very good at. However, we have been given the opportunity to step back from the fast-paced, consumerist-approach that we have adopted in society and take some time to just BE. Learning to accept that we are where we are and deliberately slowing down will enable us to find new strength and reconnect with that which is most important. Deliberately slowing down our breathing, our pace of walking and learning to calm our racing thoughts allows us to enter into a different mindset. Choosing to turn off our screens and disconnect from social media for good portions of the day allows us to create space in our heads and our hearts for another way of being. I know that social media can be a really important and safe space for many people to continue to connect and feel part of community, breaking down a sense of isolation and loneliness, but if we’re on there all the time, it can really fill our heads with unhelpful traffic and noise, which stops us being able to enter rest. As we rest, we are invited to spend our time differently – to do things that are good for the soul. You could take time to create, write, read, sing, dance, pray, go for a gentle walk, cook, sit round a table and build Lego or do jigsaws with others or on your own. There is no need to accumulate new things, what can you make do with or mend? What old or new hobbies might you rediscover or pick up? How about deliberately choosing not to get a thousand and one jobs done around the house or not rushing into a new decorating project. Just stop for a while, slow-down and rest.

 

REFLECT

When we consider the far reaching potential effects of a global pandemic, like the one we find ourselves in, it causes us to pause, notice more the interconnectedness of human life across the world and the utter fragility of our systems. It should cause us to notice more deeply the injustices upon which we build our society, the insecurity of work and the implications of global capitalism on the poorest in our communities and indeed our environment. During this time, we do well to reflect on what we are learning together. Birds are heard singing for the first time in years in Wuhan – a city usually thick with smog. Destructive air pollution has reduced by over 25% in China and Italy. The canals are cleaner than ever in Venice and global air travel has decreased significantly. Of course, we notice some of the worst bits of our humanity – driven by fear – and some selfishness. But we also see the indomitable human spirit at work – huge acts of love, courage, kindness and generosity. There are amazing offers to help and support with home schooling and teachers are going above and beyond their usual brilliance, thinking creatively about how best to enable their students to thrive. Healthcare workers continue to put themselves at risk and pour themselves into the work of healing. Voluntary food clubs to feed the hungry, delivery services for shopping and medication, community support schemes and the ongoing service of the most vulnerable in our society – it’s amazing. This ability to re-organise ourselves, to connect together differently, to make wider political and economic decisions and find a way to be that feels more wholesome should give us plenty not only to be grateful for but to reflect on about why we put so much energy into maintaining the usual status quo. What good things are we noticing and learning?

 

RE-IMAGINE

What might be possible together? Can we imagine a world with less commutes and more digital connection? Doesn’t it seem more possible to cut global emissions a great deal more quickly, when we’re forced to focus our attention? Could we work and earn differently and be more generous with wages and leave, so that we don’t see so many people left in such a vulnerable state. If we can find the ability to be so kind to each other at such a time as this – why not more so all the time? As we’ve recognised the fragility of our lives and existence, are the grudges we hold worthwhile? Are we able to forgive and reconnect? Might we adopt a way of life that is more about sharing and regenerating than grabbing all we can? Isn’t community one of the most delicious and richest of experiences? How can we build more of it? Can you sniff an economics that is more about wellbeing than profit and a politics that is more about connection and participation in our life together than centralised sovereignty? How about an education system that doesn’t treat our children like fodder for the machine, but invests in their ability to build a beautiful future. Have you seen how relationship really could be the foundation of our public services? So how might we think differently about our governance structures and the way we organise ourselves – think ‘Radical Help’ (Hilary Cottam), ‘Doughnut Economics’ (Kate Raworth) and ‘All Our Welfare’ (Peter Beresford) – plus many more. Can you imagine a society in which we really put the wellbeing of all people and the planet at the heart of what we do? If so….why would we continue with a way of being together which is so detrimental to both?

 

RESET

Our invitation, therefore, is to reset. This invitation comes from the earth itself, from our deepest longings, and from the source of all love and life itself. We don’t have to continue living in the story of selfishness and scarcity. We have shown ourselves that there is a more ancient and wonderful story of connectedness, restoration and hope, to which we all belong. We don’t have to go back to how it has been. Step by step, we can use this ‘kairos’ moment to walk into a new future together. A future in which we heal our divides and regenerate our planet, forgive our deep, historical wrongdoings, rebuild our ruins and restore our relationships; do away with injustice and create reconciliation. It’s time to reset. Are you ready to press the button?

 

Here is a beautiful poem, by Kitty O’Meara, to help us rest, reflect, re-imagine and rest.

 

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Authentic, Loving Leadership

Tweet Over the last year, I’ve had the privilege of spending some time on a leadership programme with the NHS Leadership Academy. One of the things it has helped me to do is talk more openly and honestly about what is important to me, what shapes me, what makes me – me! I have spent [Continue Reading …]

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Christmas

Tweet In my last blog post, I talked about the concept of meta-narratives and how they effect our health and wellbeing. For me the Christmas story is the ultimate meta-narrative (the big story with which I align my life). It changes the idea forever that God is a far off hierarchical, imperial, power-hungry megalomaniac. It [Continue Reading …]

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