Love Society – Part 2 – Triads, Weaving a Web and Panel

Bev Skeggs gave us so much to think and talk about with each other. If you haven’t had a chance to watch her amazing talk yet, then please do so! You can find it in Part 1 of this blog series. She left us with a question – “How can we build value with those who are devalued?”

 

 

One of my favourite ways to explore big questions like this (and there are many methods we use through our ‘art of hosting’ training) is Triads. Triads is a simple and effective way of helping people have really meaningful conversations whilst being deeply listened to. It’s a very powerful experience. It involves breaking into groups of three (obviously). One person is the ‘speaker’, one person is the ‘listener’ and the other is the ‘witness’. The listener asks the speaker the question that everyone is exploring. The speaker then has 10-15 minutes (depending on time constraints) to answer the question in whatever way they want to. The listener listens deeply, might ask some more questions, or encourage the speaker to unpack what they’ve said a bit more. They stay curious, trying to draw out the wisdom of the speaker, but not slipping into the role of ‘speaker’ themselves. At the end of the time, the listener reflects back what they have heard. The witness holds the whole process and watches over the time and might offer some reflections of the process or things that have gone unspoken or unheard. Then everyone swaps round into different roles, so that by the end of 40-45 minutes, everyone has had a turn in each role.

 

When everyone was back in the room together and after a good coffee break, we asked the triads to reflect on the following question (moving from singular to combined wisdom – from ‘me’ to ‘we’), having heard from each person in turn: “What have we discovered that  builds value?” 

 

Each triad (or pair of triads) was then asked to come up with one sentence that captured their corporate wisdom. Here are the sentences that were spoken into the room – they are worthy of much reflection. I love how much synergy can come from a diverse group of people!

What have we discovered that builds value?

Non-judgemental education from an early age builds intrinsic value into everyday life, regardless of circumstances.

We have found in the Poverty Truth Commission that through listening, understanding develops, people recover value and become actively involved in pathways forward.

Trusting that we can subvert pre-packaged judgements and values for the value of the common good.

Accepting that we all make judgements, we grow awareness of how to work with judgments in a positive way that is empowering.

Positively engage with and welcome ‘others’ without judgement and recognise the value of individual contributions.

Discovering/Recognising/Empowering/Encouraging/Nurturing the fact we all have unique value and have power in value.

Value (like energy) cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be recognised/transformed/moved around/flow.

Removing prejudices, titles and labels – going back to our humanity and finding joy in sharing life, food and experiences.

In daily interactions, conversations and opportunities by being positive role models in local and regional settings.

Positive disruption focused on an individual level, driven by a moral imperative and brave vulnerability can create a movement of enfranchised, knowledgeable, solid people focused on social justice not social judgement.

Eating or talking around a table builds individual and social value through real connection.

Recognise the common value of humanity and our vulnerability to build empathy and non-judgemental connection.

Knowing that someone understands, accepts and respects our values. 

Recognising and acknowledging value through relationships and being rather than achievements. 

Awareness of self and therefore others.

 

Jon Dorsett and Lou Andrews, part of our team and outstanding graphic harvesters (if you ever need any help!) turned this wisdom into a spider’s web of learning. This is a kind of framework for a renewed society, maybe! However, none of this is straightforward and my friend Roger Mitchell has also done some really helpful reflections of his own, in his excellent blog.

If we want to build a society based on love and kindness, we have to examine the value we place on people and the environment and the values which shape our society currently. That guy Jesus, once said, “What you value (treasure) is where your heart will be also….”

 

To finish the morning we had a reflective panel discussion – it was packed full of wisdom – enjoy!

 

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It’s Time to Say #EnoughNow to Adverse Childhood Experiences

Last week, I had the utter privilege of co-hosting a conference with my good friend, Siobhan Collingwood, the head teacher at Morecambe Bay Community Primary School on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), at the Globe Arena. We both know the reality of ACEs every day in our communities (see my previous blog) and so wanted to bring people together from across our amazing community in North Lancashire, working in the public  and community sector, or simply with a passion to see change, to explore how we can begin to say “Enough Now” to ACEs. (Huge thanks to the incredible Jon Dorsett for his graphic art).

 

As part of the day, my friends, Ian Cooper (Chief Inspector of Police) and Nick Howard (who leads the team at the city council on housing and planning) hosted a 135 minute conversation for all 180 participants around this theme: ‘Together, what can we do to transform the experience of childhood for good?’ There was such a buzz as people from different backgrounds and perspectives, collaborated and challenged each other to break out of our boxes and find new ways to bring transformation. The ideas generated were incredible and each person left the room with a clear commitment and next step for what they needed to do in their place of work or neighbourhood. Already we are hearing amazing stories and initiatives which are beginning as a result and we are building networks together.

 

We had fantastic input from Prof Warren Larkin, Sue Irwin (and her excellent work with EmBRACE), and host of other brilliant people working across many sectors, lending their expertise to further the conversations in interactive seminars – the feedback on each one has been incredible!

 

So – there is a huge challenge to the English Government (Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are already streaks ahead) as to why they are not taking the vast evidence base seriously and playing their part in breaking this devastating cycle. If we are to tackle this enormous issue of ACEs, it means vast changes to the ways we are delivering and measuring education in our schools and a serious reassessment of cuts of funding to children’s centres, midwives and health visitors, removing target-driven outcomes and finding ways to put relationship back into the heart of our modus operandi. It will take a people movement to bring the shifts that are needed, but given just how devastating ACEs are to physical, mental, emotional and social wellbeing and the huge cost burden they are to our public services and society, we have to give ourselves to drawing a line in the sand, saying enough now and reimagining the future together.

 

Here in Morecambe Bay, and across Lancashire, we are taking this issue really seriously and believe it to be one of THE most important population health issues of our time. A few of us have co-authored a ‘Little Book of ACEs’ together, in conjunction with Lancaster University – available very soon (!) which you might find helpful. My section expands a little on a previous blog post I have written here.

 

This whole area of ACEs is so sensitive, it takes compassion, kindness, bravery and wisdom. We cannot face it alone in silos, but together we can! Together, we can bring healing to our communities and freedom for the generations to come. We have to be willing to be those, who life Gandalf, in ‘The Lord of the Rings’ take our staff and say to this Balrog, which has devoured too many lives – “you shall not pass!” We have to give ourselves to drawing a line in the sand, saying “enough now” and step into a reimagined future of childhood, together.

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